We can walk the same road with the same person for so long that it feels like we always will, no matter what it brings – the twists and turns, the ups and downs, the divots, the rocks, the washed out sections, the slippery ice, etc. It doesn’t matter. We’re committed. We’re going to keep walking together to the road’s end.
Until.
Until a fork in the road appears and one of us is forced to go in a separate direction.
Forced through illness.
Forced through addiction.
Forced by something outside of our control.
Only then does it become apparent that we are each our own independent travelers and not the one entity we imagined.
And the worst part? We cannot go with them.
We must stay on our own road while they are forced onto a different one.
“The Unthinkable” and “This Can’t Be” are the titles of Chapters 7 and 9. In between is the chapter on “Lourdes”.
Someday my road will diverge and I will be forced to take it.
It’s a reality of life that I must eventually face.
Not to dwell on. Not to obsess over. Just to be aware of.
Until then, I will rejoice and be grateful for every single step on the road shared with my loved ones, especially the road shared with my treasured life companion.
At the Time:
When Stephen’s road diverged due to addiction, I fought it tooth and nail. I did anything I could to fix it and build a connecting road between the two. But the longer the addiction lasted, year after year, the further apart the roads became and the more exhausted and hopeless I felt. Eventually, with the help of NarAnon, I had to admit I was powerless to fix the situation.
When Annie’s road diverged, I simply couldn’t – or wouldn’t – accept it. I denied it. I knew there was a way around it somehow. A miracle could fix this. Divine intervention could and would make it right. I held onto my religious faith for a solution. I held out hope for a miracle.
What I’ve Learned Since:
I have come to believe there is no connection between my religious faith and the outcome of a situation. God isn’t the “magician” that makes things appear and disappear. Things happen in life, period. Good things. Bad things. Tragic things. Heartbreaking things. Uplifting things. Gut wrenching things. Faith-building things. Faith-breaking things.
I have learned to let go of any type of magical thinking and just deal with things the best I can, knowing that God always walks alongside me.